a sedentary man

a man with full of anger and distress, he needed to do a sedentary job and, indeed he got one….as security man of our flat. all the time he will be sitting in the half broken chair near the security hut.since the secretary of the flat is a man of principle he wont allow another chair,unless the chair be completely broken or someone fall from it and badly hurt…!anyway for the time being our man is happy sitting in this chair and sleep the whole time irrespective of whether it is day or night.

when power failure occurs he has to go to the generator room and switch on the generator ,which is very near the security hut. but this man get up from the chair with much effort( his body is heavy!) and murmuring something walk to the generator room very slowly,a 3 metre distance in 10 minutes.by that time someone might be strangled in the lift and suffocate enough,so that he may go and slap this man once he come out from the lift.

this man,his job include open the automatically locking entrance door of the flat to visitors and who doesn’t own a card by using which one can open the door.the slot is fixed just above our headline in the wall ,near the door in one side.if someone asks him to open it,he instantly asks amusingly,don’t you own a card ,in an anguish way and we must politely say,no.then he will slowly get up from the chair,murmuring(expressing his dislike to move from the chair) and walk towards the door like a ball slowly rolling and without taking the card from the shirt pocket extend himself up and show the pocket to the slot with much effort,still tied his hands in back ,to conserve that much energy. in that position someone would misunderstand him doing a circus!

since he will be in sound sleep once darkness crepe in,he hesitate to  open the gate to those return home by night. he himself created a rule that gate wont be open after 10 p.m.!all must return home before that……last week he got dismissed ,,,i expected….unfortunate to loss a man whom i like observe and study…i feel very bad…..some days i used o go down and keenly observe this man’s expressions and body language,when im not in a good mood…observing him cheers me up…i felt very much relaxed every time…! he was such a help…for character study

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An adventure with a Goat

she was very beautiful,bold and very polite.her eyes were deep blue,looking in that you feel you are looking to a deep blue lake..her mannerisms resemble that of humans.she was the  product of my revolutionary thought. after my post graduation in agriculture i want to do something not ordinary in my home.that time someone told me the qualities of goat milk,i didn’t think twice,bought one since we wont get goat milk there.i never thought it would become a huge affair!

she was given a name ‘subhashini'(means one who talk nicely!)by the boys who brought it home.my maid already promised to look after her.she gave her green leaves and drinking water with nutritious food in it!she gave her a warm bath too.everything was ok except one.how to milk it?my maid went near it,sat next to its back legs and try to grab her nipples from below.what next?i saw a vessel flying in the air.subhashini gave her a good kick!and my maid ran for her life.i too felt afraid and we all retreated to our home for the time being.

by evening we again went near her.the owner told she gave half litre milk each in the morning and evening , that means she has one litre milk now.i looked at her breast.its too heavy now,almost full! something has to do immediately, else a disaster may happen there. the heaviness if the breast made her lean towards the wall of the goatshed! my maid went near her again…this time subhashini started jumping. maid got afraid and looked at me helplessly.i felt some uneasiness ,looking at her breast.she looked gloomy.i revinded my past days for a few seconds,when i was a kid i saw a mathai chettan milking his cattle in our niegborhood ,in my native place.he used to talk to her as if she  a human being,applying oil in his hand touch her breast and milk it.

i decided to give a try.i went near her with a vessel and oil in one hand.took oil in the fingers,talked to her asa friend,patted her in her back and kissed her!im kissing an animal for the first time.i just want to help her.i apologized her for her pathetic condition.i reached for her breast with a fearful heart.she gave me back a kick,not a kiss! and threw a look at me to check if im alive!i really amazed at her strength.but i decided not to give up .i spoke in my mind.i wont let you go this way, you monster!i went again and repeated the step.i almost grabbed her nipple ,but then she instantly fallen to the floor keeping her breast under her body! she is not an ordinary goat.she outsmarted me again.she looked at me as if she won the battle and she said with her look ‘no one is going to tough my breast’!

next day i again went near it recollecting all psychological theories i learned. during milking someone had hurted her. so she is afraid.later i came to know that she was forcefully milked by the previous owner.two people were need for it.one to hold her leg and another to milk.

so she has to  unlearned what she leaned previously.i decided to spent time with her and gave her a kind treatment.talked her, patted her and touched her everywhere except her breast! and showed my love.almost one hour passed and  now i have to milk it. i reached for the nipple,she jumped again. i did the same she jumped and the process continued for some time and at last,applying my whole strength i pressed her to the wall and milked her.but after milking her i went to the bed and collapsed.everyday i repeated this process  and she came to realize that milking is a  simple process between me and her.she gave up her ‘muscle’ and co-operated with me and started waiting for me when the time is near for milking!

we came to know each other in a few days ,she communicated everything with her eyes.i was astonished at her neatness many times.she  touch her feet in the floor with much difficulty if its not neat.she wont touch muddy places if taking her out by the maid to green areas.

the only thing i couldn’t bear is her hunger.if maid is a  little late she will communicate to me,she need something to eat.i myself went to get her leaves many times,neglecting my ‘status’.i stealed banana leaves from neighboring plots .i loved her and she loved me back.a strong bond developed between us.

after a few months i had to move to an apartment in the city.what i will do with my subhashini?i couldn’t sell her to some strangers. so i asked everyone whom i know, if they can protect her.a distant lady agreed and with some hesitation i agreed finally and handed over her to that lady whom my family know.

for a few months we were given reports about her by this lady and later she stopped talking about her.and now i do not see  this lady and do not know where my subhashini is.she might have forgotten me.

i have a request ..do not  call her a goat….she is more than that.she is my subhashini..!

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love

but what is love..?

loving someone who love me back?

but i love the flower, although the flower doesn’t respond….

its beautiful..its just lovely…..

i love to hear a song…i love to read a book…..i love to talk someone who understands me…

i love to have sex…

whats common in all these…?

its ‘me’

so love essentially involves loving oneself…unconditionally…

its the union between two separate entity….to become one

you are no longer you

you and the flower unite together to become one…so you enjoy the flower…

you unite with the song …its rythm…and you enjoy it

with streams….

with beautiful scenes….

when your attitudes and character unite with one another , you love that friendship…

in sex two unite to become one…

its the union , that’s love…

when you unite with your inner self..you are one ,without conflict…you love yourself….

you start enjoying yourself…your relationships…. and your life…every moment….you enjoy…

you are no longer someone who looks for others love…you begins to love yourself and others…unconditionally….

you realize whats love and whats life about….and about the ultimate love ….the union with God…the eternal love….

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my friend

ohhh,    yashmin where are you?

you gave me a pet name. for the first time in my life I’m getting such a wonderful name ….kablu

you shared everything with me…

you were not my classmate….but we started college days together in the same college…

we came to know each other……..

you were my first and the best friend in the college…

you talked me as if i were your friend already….you started talking me that way..persuading me deep inside to have you my best friend

i was comfortable talking you hours together…..you never bothered about me…you talked non-stop…i would be just listening to you

do you remember that coffee house in front of our college..? i do remember every single moment we sat there…enjoying our coffee away, from the crowd…

in the library we read the news paper together…four eyes looking at the same news and whispering to each other in that utter silence…..

i enjoyed your company….i tasted your love and affection there…..

not in the past ,not in the future ..no one is going to take your place in my heart…

we lunched together in that beautiful garden,unlike all our friends..looking at the red rose you told me many stories…stories about your parents…stories about your  relatives..stories about your neighbors….all are still vivid in my memory…..you were a beautiful story teller.how many times you ate meals from my lunch box without taking my permission….

when i tease you for your one way love to our college chairman…..you took it as a revenge and made him fall in love with you….i admit your guts….did you marry him..?

how many times we walked silently through that hanging iron bridge behind our canteen..that beautiful greenery almost engulfed us many times….we fell into a dreamy world with story books in our hands…..looking foolish and aimless….
laughing with no reason……

i searched you everywhere after i quit the college…just to join my professional degree….

but could no way find you …not even a person like you…who hold me tightly to your heart….enjoying every moment of my presence

and from time to time I would still feel a belated longing for a letter never arrived…..

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